Twister
by dave-d
Summary: Jiraiya has a product he wants to market. He figures to make a lot of money. First, he needs to use the assembled shinobi as a test group, even though none of them want to be involved. A story with a twist.


The group of shinobi stood in the small gym, wondering just what was going on.

A number of rubber mats were spread about the floor. The last that any of them had seen that kind of equipment was back when they had gymnastics training in the Academy.

"What do think is going on?" Sakura looked over at Shizune. Was there some reason that two medical ninjas had been included in this selection of ninja? "Why were the Elders the one who asked us to assemble?"

"I have no idea," Shizune answered. She looked around the room, seeing Anko and Yugao, along with Kakashi, Gai, and Ebisu. She could see no rhyme or reason in the particular shinobi chosen for the unknown event.

"It's probably something bothersome." Shikamaru looked to be in a particularly bad mood. He sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this… it's out of the ordinary… and the Hokage is away at treaty meetings…."

"There's nothing to worry about," Choji said, sounding certain. "They have food." Sure enough, a number of folding tables had been set up. One held a number of bottles of different sorts. The other had an assortment of snacks and lunch foods.

"With_ my _being here, it must be something that requires an expertise in training." Ebisu pushed his glasses up further on his nose. "Why else would I have been hand picked by the Elders?"

"Comic relief," Anko said with a contemptuous wave of her hand. The two of them did not get along well. She smiled when the other ninja looked affronted.

"I heard that it has something to do with fund raising," Kakashi said, his attention focused on a limited release _Icha Icha _book. His comment had everyone groaning.

"I do not have time to waste with that kind of thing." Yugao had her ANBU mask off. Her team had been sent to guard Tsunade. She should be with them.

"That sucks," Kiba said, making a face. "I don't know why we have to get involved with that." Usually, it was Academy students and Genin who got stuck with the very non-ninja-like chore of selling things house by house. He had unpleasant memories about knocking on door after door, trying to sell flower seeds, magazines, and submarine sandwiches.

"Hey! You're just upset because you know you'd lose." Naruto grinned. "It would be a piece of cake, now." If he could enlist Yamato's help, he could have hundreds of clones running throughout the village, taking down signatures and collecting money.

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee struck a pose, looking to see if Gai approved of his form. "If the Hidden Leaf village is in need of money, it is the solemn duty of every able-body shinobi to do whatever he or she can. The Burning power of youth is the fuel that keeps the fire burning!"

"Has anyone ever stopped to wonder exactly what that kind of thing means?" Shino looked around the room. All he saw was blank stares, except on Lee and his sensei.

"No," Ino replied. "I think we're all still trying to make sense of the green stretchy suits!" Everyone nodded their heads.

"It's OK, Lee." Gai didn't like to see his student looking so down-trodden. "Not _everyone _can walk the cutting edge." That brought a look of renewed confidence. "We have to blaze a trail to the future, our hearts and minds true to the task!"

"Do they act like that _all_ the time?" Sai spoke to Neji and Ten Ten. When both of them nodded, he offered them condolences.

"Sorry to keep you all waiting." That voice was familiar to some. "I also apologize for keeping you in the dark. Secrecy is a must."

"**Ero-Sennin!" **Naruto turned in utter disbelief. What was the Frog Hermit doing here? Had he discovered some terrible new threat to the village through his special sources? Was he in Konoha because Granny Tsunade was not?

"Don't call me that!" Jiraiya tossed a large sack on the floor. "You don't have to look so serious," he continued, addressing the others. "There's no threat. This is something different." He paused, trying to gauge the mood of the crowd.

"If he tries to pinch my ass again, they'll change his name from Jiraiya to Wun Hung Lo." Anko spun a Kunei around her finger. She wondered how many of the other ninjas understood her joke.

"Nothing good can come from this," Yugao said, voicing her opinion. She had the utmost respect for the Legendary Sannin's abilities. She had no respect whatsoever for him as a person.

"There's food," Choji repeated. He felt his appetite growing, every time he looked at the plates filled with Korean beef BarBQ, lamb kebobs, and crab puffs.

"So, what _is_ it, Pervy Sage?" Naruto was in a very contrary mood. He had gotten an earful from Sakura earlier in the day, when Team Kakashi had been training for an upcoming mission. "It's got to be something bad." He put one hand behind his head. "I hope you're not going to tell us we have to go around selling those stupid books for you."

"Stupid?" Jiraiya looked over at his former pupil. "If they're so stupid, why did _you _ghostwrite a chapter for me?"

"_What?" _Sakura's face looked like an Oni mask. She looked over at a grinning Kakashi, who then tried to look innocent. That made her even more angry.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Kiba shook his head in disbelief. "Naruto?" He chuckled. "_That _Naruto!"

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata looked down at her feet and rubbed her fingers together.

"Would you like him to autograph a copy for you, Hinata?" Shino looked in Naruto's direction. His teammate promptly sat down hard on her rump.

Everyone spoke up at once, commenting on one thing or another. When Anko strolled over and asked if Naruto would give her an autograph, he stepped back at first, but then stood his ground, chin up. He nodded her head. When she said she wanted him to autograph one of her breasts, he beat a hasty retreat, Ninja Way or no Ninja Way. He was pretty sure that she was joking. Pretty sure wasn't good enough.

"You're a bad woman," Jiraya said. He smiled. "Keep up the good work." he frowned when she frowned and gave him the finger. Why? Did she still hold a grudge?

"You were telling us why we were here?" Shikamaru didn't really want to know. But, he'd rather get things over as soon as he could.

"That's right," Ino added. "But don't expect to get involved with anything dirty. We're not _all _deviants." She looked over at Naruto, met Sakura's gaze, and gave her a 'My teammates are better than yours' look. She hid a grin when the other girl balled up her fists.

"**Correct!" **Gai struck a pose of purest virtue. "We all want to do whatever we can to further the cause of our fellow man!" Even though the light in the building was hardly bright, a bright flash reflected off of the jounin's teeth. That had Lee bright-eyed with admiration, and the other jounin simply shaking their heads. "But, I will _not_ stand idly by if you try and drag the innocent youth of Konoha into your web of debauchery!"

"You were dropped on your head as a baby, _weren't_ you?" Jiraiya looked like he had a headache coming on. "Any way. Why are we here. What do I want you all to do." He kicked at the sack and gave Naruto a pointed look. Naruto scowled and stuck his lower lip out. The Sannin sighed , bent over, and took a box out of the bag himself. "I came up with a great idea for a new kind of entertainment. I think that I will be able to revolutionize the party scene. And, no doubt, I will make a great deal of profit in the process."

"I don't like the sound of this, already." Yugao looked over at the Frog Hermit as if she had caught sight of a particularly loathsome bug.

"I take it you are willing to make a sizeable donation to the village relief fund," Neji remarked, even though he usually wasn't one to say a lot. "Using money you make through your authorship." When he did speak, it was often something clever or pertinent. "You are, in effect, gambling that your new item will be a huge success."

"And you want to use _us_ to test the thing, whatever it is." Sai was pretty sharp in his own right, even though his understanding of human nature was still in some nascent stage.

"Exactly," Jiraiya said. He walked over to the center of one of the mats and opened the box.

"It better not be another one of those edible underwear kind of things!" Naruto folded his arms over his chest. He remembered what happened when the hairy old reprobate had tried to market lingerie that one could eat. "Although…." He made a very big mistake. He looked over at Sakura, and then Ten Ten and Ino. He would have looked over at Hinata too, and then the more mature women, if Sakura's punch hadn't sent him bouncing across the floor.

"Hey! Idiot! Look _out!" _Jiraiya had the box knocked out of his hands by a flying Naruto. The contents spilled out onto the floor.

"What is this?" Lee went to help the older ninja gather up the mysterious items. "Is this some kind of target?" This was something for parties. Shuriken toss? Pin the kunei on the donkey?

"Yes and no," Jiraiya said. "Someone can take the other boxes out too, I guess. I can explain things just as easily after you have everything set up. " He took the plastic sheet that Lee had picked up, unfolded it all the way, and placed it flat at the center of a mat. It had large colored solid circles evenly spaced, four rows of six apiece, with each row being a different color. A number of people spoke up after that offering conjectures. They were all far from the mark.

"It may be some kind of way to train in a festive setting," Gai offered. "See this spinner here." He picked up a board with a large plastic arrow on it. "There are four quadrants, each divided into fourths by colors."

"The colors match those on the sheet," Ten Ten observed.

"Yes," Gai said, pleased to see that someone from his team was so observant. "Each of the quadrants specifies a body part. Left foot. Right foot. Left hand. Right hand." He couldn't help but feel a swell of excitement and anticipation. In his eye, the Legendary Sannin was an amazing man. This must be an amazing device! Perhaps it could help him raise Lee's skill level to an all time high. Or, it might provide yet another method to continue his eternal competition with Hakate Kakashi.

"It's a game," the Frog Hermit said. He watched as Gai went stiff, his mouth hanging open. "A rather simple one at that. Sometimes the simplest ideas are the ones that take the most genius."

"I take it you are going to explain the game." Shikamaru looked down at the colored sheet and shook his head. "And you are expecting all of us to play." There must be a lot of money at stake, if the Elders dragged them all into this kind of thing.

"Exactly," Jiraiya said, smiling. Naruto looked at his face closely, expecting to see dollar signs there. His former teacher had the scent of gold. He knew what that meant. "Don't sound so glum!" He paused. "Sorry. I forgot who I was talking to." That had Shikamaru looking even more bored. "The rest of you shouldn't let his attitude affect you. This will be fun. I guarantee it."

"How is the game played?" Shino looked down at the pieces that made up one set.

"Glad you asked," Jiraiya said, beaming. "Before we get to that, I ask that you all give it a chance. Don't let your imaginations run too wild…" He thought the word 'Yet,' before playing with the spinner. "No doubt my critics will try and say it's nothing but 'sex in a box.' But… really… it's nothing more or less than you make of it."

"S-… S-… Sex…." Hinata's eyes went very wide. She began to tremble ever so slightly.

"After spinning, a combination is called out." Jiraiya flicked the arrow, sending it spinning. It stopped. "In this case, it would be 'Right foot red'. The person being spun for would need to put his or her foot on one of the red spots. Then, the next person would go. It would continue in that vein until someone fell, and was disqualified. The match would be over when there was one player left."

"There are only so many circles," Choji noticed. "Can someone have their hand or foot on the same space as someone else?"

"No," the Frog Hermit replied. "That's what makes it such a challenge when things get going."

"People would no doubt find themselves in precarious positions," Neji remarked. He was running simulations in his mind. "The players will be put in very close contact with one another."

"You bet!" A grinning Sannin gave Neji a 'V' sign. "The game is fast paced. It's fun. It's frivolous. What _more_ can anyone ask for?" He chuckled. The fullest potential of the game could be shown later, after everyone had some harmless fun. "Any way, you're all here to serve as a very critical think tank. If you enjoy the game, no doubt the civilain population will love it."

"Think tank?" Kiba shrugged. "You might want to rethink your choice of words, if Naruto's involved."

"**Kiba!" **Naruto shook his fist at his friend. Just for that, he would be certain not to lose.

"You might be right," Jiraiya said, seeing that Naruto had been acting a bit too independently earlier. The boy _owed_ him. "That observation aside, I need to know if the name 'Twister' fits the game well. I originally wanted to call it 'Pretzel,' but someone marketed a toy dog with the same name."

"I think it ought to be called 'Waste of My F-cking Time'," Anko griped. The last thing she needed to be doing was playing games. If there was some measure of risk attached… say, some blood drawn from anyone who fell… maybe she would change her mind.

"I agree," Yugao said.

Jiraiya scowled. But, he had asked for those two for a reason. If he could somehow win them over with the game, then he'd know he really had something. Of course, since both of them were women, and attractive, there were other reasons that he selected them. "Also, I want to see if you like the spinner. I originally designed the game to use a pair of dice instead of a spinner; one die for color, the other for body part. And, I need to find out if the sheet is the right size… if the dots are spaced well… things like that…."

"I've got to work the evening shift," Shizune said. "I don't have much time left." She sounded relieved.

"No need to worry about _that," _Jiraiya said with an effusive wave of one hand. "Each one of you here has the entire night free. I made certain. You can thank me later." He grinned when he saw the cute medical ninja's shoulders slump. "Once we all get the hang of it, I'll divide you up into groups and assign you to one of the mats. For now, most of you can simply watch. Feel free to enjoy an of the snacks that I had catered." He marveled at the speed with which Choji made it to the nearest table.

"I hope I'm in _your_ group," Ino told Shikamaru. She sighed, picturing how things might be. This whole affair might turn out quite wonderfully.

"Maybe it will be by teams," Shikamaru said. "You might be teamed with Choji, too." He sighed when he saw the look that Ino made. It made things more annoying than they already were.

"Naruto-kun," Hinata whispered.

"**Kakashi!" **Gai pointed his finger at the masked ninja. "If you are not a coward, you will except my challenge and be in my group!" Everyone could witness his victory!

"I wasn't planning on that," Jiraiya said. He rubbed his chin. It was worth a try. A small contest might get some of the ninjas' competitive juices flowing. "But… why not…" It would be the Copy Ninja versus the self-proclaimed Prideful Green Beast.

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee pumped one arm and shouted out encouragement to his teacher. "Dynamic action! An explosion of might! Gai-sensei can_not _lose!"

"That's right, Lee!" Gai posed and flexed his muscles. "You have no chance to defeat me, my old rival. Once again, the tally of our epic confrontations will fall in my favor." That had a number of knowing people sighing. The competitions between the two jounin had included 100-meter dashes, sumo-wrestling, ramen-eating contests, and even Rock, Paper, Scissors. Hardly the stuff of legends. "Do not forget that I have taijutsu against Sharingan users. No tricks will save you today."

"Huh?" Kakashi scratched his head. "Gai, did you say something?" He kept a straight face when Gai's whole body shook from a massive spasm.

"OK," the Frog Hermit said. "Both of you stand on the mat. I will do the spinning." When the two ninja were in place, he gave the arrow a spin. "Gai. Right foot yellow." The shinobi stepped on the yellow spot, his teeth showing. "Kakashi, left hand blue." That had the Copy Ninja switch his _Icha Icha _book from his left hand to his right. Still reading, he performed his maneuver without difficulty. Gai was incensed, seeing that his rival didn't seem to care about the match.

The game continued. Everyone stood rapt, including the ones who wanted to be anywhere else but there.

"Hah! I will cover up that strategic circle," Gai claimed. "Then, I will finally be assured of victory!" The end of the game was indeed close at hand. But, things wouldn't go the way that the boastful ninja hoped. "Your cool attitude will be your undoing!"

A loud ripping sound filled the quiet room. Reaching his hand out towards a red spot, acting much like a seasoned contortionist, Maito Gai had stretched too far. The fabric of his stretchy suit caught on Kakashi's book. That book was held in the Copy Ninja's mouth, since his hands and feet were all on the mat. As stretchy as the green material might be, it wasn't stretchy enough. A huge tear appeared between the bushy-browed jounin's butt cheeks.

"**Hah!" **Naruto practically jumped with glee, upon making a shocking discovery. "His underwear has hearts on it!"

"Gai sensei…." Lee's eyes went impossibly wide. He hung his head in embarrassment. For a moment, he was ashamed of himself, since he didn't have the foresight to wear similar skivvies himself. Then, the absolute incongruity of a tough man donning such effeminate underalls had him freezing in place.

"I would have guessed Teddy Bears," Anko quipped, a particularly nasty smile on her lips. This story would be all over town by morning.

"But…." Distracted, Gai lost concentration, falling to the sheet. "I lost…." He hung his head, unable to meet any of his teammate's eyes.

"Well, you'll all have to agree that was quite memorable." Jiraiya looked rather pleased. "Let's see. Who should be next."

"It looks pretty easy," Kiba said to Shino, while the Sannin was thinking over the next selection. "It doesn't really take much by the way of brains, so anyone could play." He grinned. "Even Naruto."

"Very funny," Naruto grumped. He didn't know why everyone assumed he was stupid or something. Sure, he wasn't a genius, and he still did more than his fair share of impulsive things, but he wasn't a dolt or something. "I have to hear that kind of stuff from someone who takes advice from a dog?" That remark had Kiba looking peeved.

"Alright," Jiraiya said. "Let's do another one-on-one match." The choices were now self evident. "Uzumaki and Inuzuka." He motioned for Naruto and Kiba to take their places on the sheet. He gave the arrow a spin. "Inuzuka. Right hand green."

"You're going down, Naruto." Kiba bent over and placed his hand on a green spot.

"In your dreams, Kiba." Naruto stepped on a yellow spot when the Frog Hermit called out 'Naruto. Left foot yellow.' And so it went, the two of them making the necessary moves. Having grown a lot since his sojourn out of the village, Naruto was able to keep up with Kiba.

"You beat me in the chuunin exams," Kiba said, barely able to keep his balance while moving his right hand from a blue spot to a red. "It's time to return the favor." Those words would prove ironic.

The match continued. The gathered shinobi called out encouragement for one contestant or the other. Hinata was torn, just as she had been during the Chuunin fights. Feeling guilty that she didn't cheer for her teammate, she whispered 'You can do it, Naruto-kun.' Not long after the last word left her lips, the duel ended in rather dramatic fashion.

**_B-r-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-p_**. This time, the loud noise was not the sound of ripping clothes. Naruto involuntarily cut lose with a fart loud enough to shake the paint off the walls. While Kiba didn't have chakra concentrated on his nose this time, he still fell. The whole idea of being stretched atop Naruto when he let fly was enough to get him to flinch, lose his composure, and then miss his targeted spot.

"Well, at least he's consistent." Shikamaru shook his head. Just when he thought that things couldn't possibly get more troublesome, he was proven wrong. But, things would get worse yet.

"Well, I suppose we better move to the next mat until the air clears." Jiraiya said that after waving away Kiba's cries of 'Foul.' He told the assembled ninjas that anything within reason was fair game. But, jutsus were _not _allowed. He felt a chill go down his back when Anko held up a wicked looking knife and asked 'These?' He shook his head 'no,' much to the relief of everyone but the dark-haired kunoichi. "We'll up the number to three this time." He chuckled. "And… we're going to make an addition to the rules for this match…."

"I'm afraid to ask," Yugao said. "I have my suspicions." Knowing Jiraiya's reputation, she expected the worst. She was right to be concerned.

"Anko… Ebisu… Yugao…." The Legendary Sannin pointed to the far mat. "Take your places, please." All did so without a fuss. "This game has the potential to be a big hit with the older crowd," Jiraiya said. "_Mmmm-mmm-mm-m_… say…people your age… in search of a little naughty excitement…." He had the 'cat sizing up the canary' look in his eyes. "The high paced and frivolous nature of the game… the proximity between players… and the potential to make any missed move count as a forfeit… all adds up to a world of potential."

"It won't matter to _me," _Ebisu said in that stuffy way of his. "Since I do not plan on missing any moves. Not against _this_ competition." He shrugged off the looks that Anko and Ebisu gave him.

"He _is_ pretty good," Naruto said to Sai and Sakura. "But… he does have a weakness… he'll be pressed up close to two hot babes." He flinched. He didn't think his words would carry. He was wrong. Ebisu began to sweat just a little. Yugai and Anko turned to stare at him. He deftly stepped behind a frowning Sakura.

"Yes he will," the Frog Hermit said. He had heard, too. "That will make the new rule especially fun." He pointed over at one of the tables. "If the same people play the game in a series of back-to-back matches, each forfeit could be used to make the loser take a drink." He saw Ebisu let out a small sigh of relief. It was premature. "But, in this case, each person who forfeits will have to remove an article of clothing. And, the three of you will be playing ten quick matches in a row." He intended to speed up the time between spins.

Ebisu, Anko, and Yugao all spoke up at once, saying they had no intention of playing by those rules, each for their own reason. But, that merely prompted Jiraiya to take a scroll out of his robes. He let it unroll in front of their eyes. The decree was signed by each and every Elder in the Hidden Leaf village. They expected each and every ninja to do whatever was necessary to earn the donation. Despite the fact that Konoha's ninjas had been in good demand, the city coffers were perilously low on money after all of the reparation work necessitated by Orochimaru's attack on the village those years past.

"Let's do this with a smile on your faces," the Sannin said to them all. "And a bulge in your pants." That was directed too Ebisu. Naruto, being the helpful sort, performed his _Oiroke no Jutsu_, the Sexy Technique, just to whet the jounin's appetite, so to speak. Ebisu clamped his hand over his nose. "Anko. Left hand green." Anko did as she was told, a murderous gleam in her eye. Yugao put on her ANBU mask. Ebisu stammered a short prayer.

Match by match. Article of clothing by article of clothing. Bodies pressed up against bodies. The game took on an entirely different flavor, as the three participants fought tooth and nail to hang onto as much as their apparel as possible. Kiba and Choji were overly appreciative, until Anko produced a pair of throwing knives out of nowhere. Each left a shallow cut on the boy's faces.

The final match ended in rather remarkable fashion. Shot spewed forth from Ebisu's nose when Yugao brushed up against his BVDs. The next spin went to Anko, whose hand slipped when it came down on the mucus-covered surface.

"If anyone looks… they die…." Anko reached behind to unhook her bra. That act alone was enough to cause Ebisu to stagger backward, his nose spraying blood like a fountain.

"Don't look, Lee!" Gai knocked his student to the ground, not wanting to take any chances.

Kakashi stood as calmly as usual, immersed in his book. Jiraiya covered his eyes with his hands, but spread his fingers across so he could peek. Most everyone else simply averted their gaze.

"**O**… **my**… **_god_**…." Naruto said. His eyes were closed. But, not everyone could see that. "She's got _t-h-r-e-e_ nipples!"

"What?" Choji couldn't help himself. He looked. There were only two nipples.

"Really?" Kiba did too. Like his rotund friend, he realized his error after the fact. If it had been Medusa he looked at, he would have turned to stone. Given that it was Anko, he worried about losing his stones.

"You'll pay," Anko growled. She snatched Yugao's mask and used it to cover her bare bosom. "You'll both pay, _big_ time." A short sword appeared in her free hand. Not taking the time to dress, she took off after a fleeing Kiba and Choji. Just like a lioness in the wild, she set her sights on the slower of the two prey animals. "I'll carve a steak off of your fat haunch!" She closed in on a frantic looking Choji. "Then I'll neuter the dog!"

Knowing that he was the one who set things in motion, Naruto was not about to let any harm come to his friends. He acted before anyone else had a chance too. Once again, there was no way he would assume that Anko was merely playing.

"_Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!" _Naruto sent the shadow clones into the fray. There were dozens of them. Everything that they saw, he would remember. "Get that mask. Let's play Keep Away!" The only way to ensure the safety of his friends was to focus Anko's anger on himself. He had to. It was his Way of the Ninja.

Everyone else was too stunned by the proceedings to intervene. Jiraiya looked like he had died and gone to Heaven. Ebisu, who had lost a lot of blood already, began spurting once again. Kakashi actually looked up from his book for a moment. Gai and Lee had their hands over each other's eyes.

"**Naruto!" **Sakura was definitely displeased with her teammate's approach.

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata blushed up a storm.

Seeing the reaction of the two girls, the Frog Hermit chuckled. He knew who the participants would be in one of the next matchs. That is_, if _Naruto somehow managed to survive.

Knowing that she was caught in a hopeless game, Anko forgot about going after the mask. Calming down just enough to think clearly, she performed a Genjutsu that made it look as if her body was shrouded in black opaque smoke. That had Jiraiya pouting.

"It was nice knowing you," Kiba said. He had somehow made his way up into the rafters. At that moment, his feelings of self-preservation outweighed his gratitude. Then again, since Naruto had started the trouble in the first place, what did he really have to be thankful for?

"He deserves whatever he gets," a priggish Ino said.

"I have to agree," Shino said.

Despite her anger, Sakura told Sai that they should defend their teammate. They both looked over at Kakashi then who shook his head. The message was clear. The time had come for Naruto to get himself out of his own mishaps.

One by one, Anko destroyed the Bunshin, as she searched for the true Naruto. Finally feeling safe, Choji walked over to the food table and grabbed an entire leg of lamb. Munching happily, he watched as the fight unfolded.

"Hey… wait… I don't want to hurt you…." When Naruto was the only one left, he flashed around the room, bouncing of floor, walls, and ceiling. There was no way he could use his strongest techniques without seriously injuring his pursuer.

"That makes _one_ of us," Anko answered. Bit by bit, and leap by leap, she was gaining ground. It was only a matter of time, if her strength held out.

Naruto slid to a stop, abruptly. He squared his shoulders and stuck out his chin. He wasn't some kind of coward. Taking a big risk, he gambled that the irate woman wouldn't do anything too drastic. At least, not while there were so many witnesses present. "I'm a man. I'm going to be Hokage one day. I'm ready to accept my punishment."

"Well…." A breathless Anko walked over, sword swinging back and forth. "That took some balls." She grinned an evil grin. "But it's time to kiss them goodbye…." She placed the tip of her sword over Naruto's groin. Her grin widened into a smile when she saw the look on his face. She swept the sword this way and that, slicing away the zipper. Naruto's pants fell down to his ankles.

"But…" Naruto tensed up, ready to fight for real if necessary. His eyes glued to the sword, he didn't see that a number of his friends were moving to aid him.

"I was just kidding," Anko claimed, when she found herself surrounded by a group of her fellow shinobi. "But…." She licked her lips, thinking of a way to get in one last jab. She ran her fingers along Naruto's whisker-shaped facial marks, on one side and then another. "You're strong… brave… and good at causing trouble…." She chuckled. "I think I just found my new boyfriend…."

"Huh!" Naruto came very close to peeing his pants then and there. He felt a chill run up and down his spine. The last time he remembered being this scared was when he had frozen, and faced death at the hands of the Demon Brothers. "You're still joking, _aren't _you?" This time, when Anko blew him a kiss, he _did _lose bladder control.

"I have that effect on men," Anko said to Shizune, taking the clothes that the other woman had gathered up for her.

A rather discombobulated looking Naruto ran home to shower and change, trying his best to keep his trousers up. It took all of his willpower to return. In the interim, the Frog Hermit chose another group of players.

"Nara. Yamanaka." Jiraiya paused, letting the suspense build. He saw the way that Ino's eyes lit up. "Akimichi." He chuckled when her whole body jerked.

"It looks like your dream came true, Ino." Sakura grinned. "Oh… and you got matched up with Shikamaru, too…." She knew how much her friend got on Choji's case for being overweight, despite the fact that it was a characteristic of his family. She also had a good guess of how Choji felt about Ino, and was well aware how she felt about Shikamaru.

The match didn't last long. Ino started. Choji followed. Shikamaru went last. Even though Choji did his very best, wanting to impress his two teammates, he just didn't have a favorable body shape for the game. When he slipped, he crushed Ino beneath him.

"**Get a room, you two!" **Kiba's comment had Ino getting up like a shot, despite the weight pressing down on her.

"That was hardly dignified," Shino added. He looked down at Choji, wondering why the boy had a big smile on his face.

The frown on Shikamaru's face was nothing new. Sakura burst out laughing. She couldn't help herself. The look on Ino's face had been classic. But, what goes around comes around. Her smile vanished when the Frog Hermit called out the next pairing.

"Sakura Haruno." Jiraiya looked around the room. Yes, that would be the perfect choice. The boy had been glancing in the direction of the pink-haired girl all night. "Rock Lee."

"Not Bushy Eyebrows!" Sakura stood stunned. She thought back to the initial day of her first Chuunin exam. Lee had confronted Sasuke, wanting to see who was stronger. Somewhere during his skirmishes with Naruto and Sasuke, he had blown red hearts towards Sakura, and had told her that he loved her. _"Please_…."

"Perfect!" Ino didn't look as dyspeptic as before.

"Lee-e-e-e-e-e…." Gai was happy for his favorite pupil.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee struck his best pose. He would get a chance to be near Sakura. He would show her what his strict training regimen could do. "No matter who loses this match, we will _both_ be winners!" He looked more like a love-sick fool than a ninja.

"No way!" Sakura shook her head vehemently. "I refuse!" This just wasn't right.

"You saw the scroll," Jiraiya whispered in the distraught girl's ear. "If you force my hand, I will be forced to up the ante. You could play by the same rules that Anko and her trio did. Or, we can have the one who forfeits drink Sake." He knew about Lee's tendency towards the Drunken Fist. "I wonder how amorous he might be, drunk."

"O-… OK…." Sakura hung her head. She really didn't have a choice. As it turned out, she really didn't have much to worry about.

The match started off like most of the others. Jiraiya worked the spinner. Lee called out an 'Ahhh-hh-h' or 'Ohhh-hh-h' before each of his moves. The two players bent this way and that, trying to keep from falling. It was impossible to guess who might have won, had Kiba kept his mouth shut.

"Hey! Lee!" Kiba grinned. "Open your eyes." He was impressed by his friend's spatial abilities. At one point, Sakura had been forced to flip over and face upward to maintain contact with the sheet. Facing down at her, Lee had closed his eyes, blushing. Every subsequent move had been made that way. "Sakura's got her lips puckered. Go for it!" Of course, Sakura was doing nothing of the sort.

Lee lost control of his limbs. He shot upward like a coiled spring, and then plummeted back down again, striking himself on the head, ten feet away from the cushy mat. When Shizune reached his side, she informed everyone that he had knocked himself unconscious.

"Why don't you give Sleeping Beauty a kiss?" Ino looked over at Sakura. The two of them glared at one another. Seeing the tension, Jiraiya toyed with the idea of pairing that twosome up. But, one injury was more than enough. This was supposed to be a safe game, fun for all ages. He wondered if there might be a market for a different type of game, possibly one titled 'Cat Fight.'

After a few additional matches took place without incident, Naruto finally made his reappearance. As one might expect, that had the Legendary Sannin singling him out for the next group. "Hyuuga Hinata. Haruno Sakura." Now, for the kicker. This combination had so much potential. "Uzumaki Naruto."

"Hah!" Kiba laughed, looking over at his teammate. "This one ought to be worth the price of admission." He turned to Shino. "How long do you think Hinata will last, before she faints?"

"One minute at most," Shino replied. "That's being generous."

Jiraiya walked over and put an arm around Kiba's shoulder, and the other around Shino. "It gets better, boys." He looked over at Naruto. "You get to make the big choice, Naruto." He smiled. "Naked or not."

"…" Hinata went pale. She opened her mouth, but not a sound came out. "…"

"Wh-… Wh-… _What?" _Sakura turned the color of her hair. "You better not…."

Everyone waited in stunned silence. They couldn't believe what they had heard. But, they soon were able to overcome their sudden disbelief and shortness of breath. They were pretty sure how Naruto would answer. They were dead wrong.

"Naked." Naruto nodded his head, arms across his chest and feet spread. "That's my Way of the Ninja!" The whole crowd went wild. Everyone told him to quit joking like that, but he refused to back down. Sakura tried to strangle him. Hinata looked to be in a coma. It took a whole half hour to convince the two girls to strip.

"Do you have a blindfold," Kiba asked Jiraiya. "Hinata will probably go blind if she looks at that _thing." _The way he put the emphasis on the word thing, there could be no doubt which part of Naruto's anatomy he was talking about. Hearing that, Hinata couldn't help herself. She looked, and promptly keeled over again.

"I am going to be Hokage one day, after all." Naruto seemed very pleased with himself at that moment. That was he did, until a sheet-draped Sakura kneed him in the nads.

"They better not carve _that_ into the mountain," Neji said. Realizing that he had spoken his thoughts aloud, he looked embarrassed.

"You said a mouthful," Ten Ten said without thinking. "I mean…." Those were hardly the best choice of words. Poor Lee had been conscious for a couple of minutes at best. Hearing that, he fell over and bumped his head again.

Sai spoke up. It was hard to tell if he was being clueless, or a trouble maker. "Were you implying that…." Sakura didn't care what his motivation was. Her punch sent him cartwheeling, before he could finish his inappropriate question. Ten Ten gave her a grateful look.

"This gives new meaning to the word 'bothersome'," Shikamaru drawled. Both Ino and Choji nodded their heads in agreement.

"Well then," Jiraiya said, grinning like an idiot. Naked Twister. That would make the game attractive to an even older and mature set. It could be a big hit at the types of parties he kept trying to get invited to without success. "Let's get the game going." He had everyone turn away as the girls took off their clothing. Everyone but himself, of course.

"N-… N-… Naruto-kun…." Hinata kept one hand over her privates and one on her chest. "Pl-… _Please_ don't look…."

"I…." Naruto couldn't help but give her a quick once over, hearing her frightened and plaintive voice. "Wow… you look _really _great…." He had never realized just how good Hinata looked." His commentary had Hinata swooning yet again.

"**Naruto**…." Sakura balled up her fists. For a moment, she forgot that she too was totally naked. "You jerk…."

"It's OK, Sakura-chan." Naruto turned to look at her. "There's no need to feel jealous. You look pretty sweet, too!" He gave her a big thumbs up gesture.

"_W-h-a-t-?-!" _If Sakura had been a cartoon character, steam would be shooting out of both ears.

"He's smooth, isn't he?" Kiba remarked.

"Like sandpaper," Shino replied.

When Hinata was conscious again, and Sakura no longer needed to be restrained, the match began in earnest. Before Naruto knew it, everything became a blur. Sweaty bodies. Revealing views of female anatomy. Soft things pressing against him in intriguing ways. Soon, he couldn't resist any longer. He was filled with a burning lust that knew no bounds. Oblivious to the crowd around him, he grabbed the nearest shapely buttock and….

"**G-A-H-!" **Naruto sat upright in bed. He jerked upward so quickly, that the bed was rocking. He was disoriented for a minute. It was dark. He was in a small room. Touching the top of his head, he found that his goofy night-cap was on. "Boy… it was just a dream… for a moment there, it seemed so real…." There was a reason for that. Most of the things in his fantasy had actually taken place. But, the part about Hinata and Sakura was entirely imaginary. Well, not entirely. They _did_ have a match. Fully clothed.

He sighed and put his hand down on the covers. Wait! Why was there a firm bulge there. It couldn't be….

"_N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n_…." The covers moved. "What is it? Did you have a nightmare or something?"

"Huh?" Naruto's eyes went wide. He pulled the covers back quickly. There was someone resting on the pillow next to his. It was Anko!

"Or did you wake me up because you wanted some more…." Anko reached out and touched him in a very sensitive place.

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"**NO!"**

Naruto was definitely disoriented. It took a few moments for him to be sure of his surroundings this time. That had been very strange. A dream within a dream. He put his hand to his chest. He was having palpitations.

"_Geee-ee-ez." _He ran a hand through his hair. It was actually moist and sweaty. Then again, that was some dream! "That's the last time I eat the Mega-Seafood Ramen special so close to bed time." He yawned. Now that he was up, his body called out for his attention. "I've got to take a dump." Pushing down on the mattress, he wondered why the spot next to his was warm. Maybe he had been rolling around in his sleep.

Shuffling across the floor, he cursed after banging his hip against the edge of a table. Not bothering to use the light switch, he earned himself a fresh bump on the head when he walked right into the bathroom door. "That's strange. I usually leave the door open." He turned on the bathroom light.

"**_E-e-e-e-e-e-k!" _**That didn't sound like his voice. "Naruto, what are you doing." There was a good reason that the voice didn't sound like his. A naked Sakura was sitting on the toilet.

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"Damn that Ero-Sennin!"

Naruto rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He had found himself caught up in a number of daydreams _during_ the Twister matches, whenever one of the girls had been in a semi-compromising position with one of the guys.

That hadn't been so bad. After all, he _was_ going to be a man soon. There was nothing wrong with a sexy fantasy here or there. After all, he had seen so many things during his stay with the perverted sage. His imagination was usually tame in comparison. But this multiple dream thing during his sleep was causing him to lose his grip on reality.

"Maybe I should just lay back and enjoy it," he said, feeling exhausted. "After all… I can't get in trouble if it's a dream…" He lay back down on his pillow and closed his eyes. He wanted to bring back the dream that had both Hinata and Sakura in it. He was able to get half way there. He pictured himself in a naked Twister match with Hinata.

He reached his hands out, thinking he was touching something rather risqué. In his mind, the crowd was gone. It was just him and Hinata. Soon enough, the venue changed. The Twister paraphernalia was nowhere to be seen. His fantasy grew steamier and steamier.

"We should get naked more often, Hinata…."

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"**Hinata!"**

Kurenai rushed to the side of her team member. She had collapsed, walking to her seat at a meeting of the shinobi. Why had she passed out? Looking next to the fallen girl, she saw Naruto. He had his head on his arms, looking as if he were asleep.

Little did she know that the orange and black clad ninja had said something in his sleep, at the exact moment that Hinata had been passing by him.

"Is she alright?" Shizune rushed over to check on the fallen girl. Sakura soon made her way to her side as well. She began performing those vital signs she could without a sphygnomamometer.

"I think she merely passed out," Kurenai said. "Maybe she turned and saw him unexpectedly." She looked over at Naruto.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Sakura said, nodding her head. It never ceased to amaze her the way that Hinata acted around Naruto. Part of her wished that the quiet and timid girl would work up the courage to tell Naruto how she felt. Another part wanted anything but that to happen.

"Ummm…." Hinata's eyes fluttered. "I…." She sat up. "What…." She looked around the room, remembering where she was. What had happened? Why had she passed out? She turned to one side and caught sight of the dozing Naruto.

"It's OK Hinata…." Naruto spoke loudly enough for the row in back of him to hear, along with the row in front of him. "Don't worry… I'll still respect you in the morning…." He smiled and began making grunting noises. He was still asleep.

Hinata promptly passed out again. Having walked over to see what was going on, Ino arrived just in time to catch the collapsing girl. One step behind her, Ten Ten helped lower her friend softly to the floor.

"Say my name…." Naruto continued with his unconscious discourse. "Ooh… ahhh…. say… my… name… Hinata honey…." He was moving rhythmically in a manner that left little to the imagination.

"**NA**… **_R-OOO-OO-O_**… **TO**…." Sakura's angry shout woke her teammate immediately.

"Huh… wha… where..." Naruto rubbed his eyes and yawned. What was going on? Was he awake, or could it be yet another dream? Looking to one side, he saw Sakura, Shizune, Kurenai, Ten Ten, and Ino. A pair of legs was visible behind them, suggesting someone was lying on the floor. Everyone in the room had gone silent, and it seemed as if they were all looking at him. "Why is everyone staring at me like that?"

"Is there something wrong here?" That was Anko, walking over to see what the commotion was about. "I certainly _hope_ so." She looked over at Kurenai. "What did I miss?" She looked over at an unconscious Hinata.

"I was only dreaming about that stupid game Ero-Sennin had us play." That wasn't exactly the best things to say, with Anko standing there. What's more, he began to remember just what kind of things he had been dreaming at the end. "But…."

"You were talking in your sleep." Sakura's voice was as cold as ice. "Do you remember what you were saying?" If he fantasized that way about Hinata, did he do it about _her, _too?

"I…." Naruto swallowed hard. He realized that he was in very big trouble.

**END**

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**A/N: **

_Twister, currently produced by Hasbro Games, was introduced by The Milton Bradley Company in 1966. Johnny Carson featured the game on an episode of The Tonight Show that same year. One of Johnny's guests was Eva Gabor, who happened to be wearing a low-cut dress. With Eva on her hands and knees and Johnny on top, the audience had called out with hysterical laughter and screams of delight. In its first year, more than three million copies of the game sold._

Info taken from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.


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